We Believe in Fathers

So today I got to speak in church with my brother, which was fun.  Most people don't think speaking in church is fun, but we are both weird that way.  It's Fathers Day so we'll blame Dad. He likes speaking, too.

Stan was actually the visiting speaker from the High Council and traditionally they bring a recently returned missionary with them as a companion speaker.  When he said he was speaking in our ward, I volunteered myself.  Two years returned may not be recent if you are 20 but, two years is nothing when you're 48.

The topic from the Bishop was the youth lesson topic for June, which is priesthood and priesthood keys.  Since it is also Fathers Day, I wanted to say something about that, because fathers are awesome.

So here it is.  It's my speaking draft, not a polished article so the quote sources aren't footnoted or hyperlinked, but you can go to www.lds.org and toss the quotes in the search bar if you are curious.

We Believe in Fathers

[Apostle] Elder D. Todd Christofferson made an interesting statement in last year’s April conference.  He said, “As a Church, we believe in fathers.”   I am intrigued by this.  If “as a Church” we believe something then have I taken the time and effort to personally receive a witness that I personally believe in fathers?   Let’s break it down a bit.

1.  We believe in fathers.  Because my first go to on anything is snark, if you asked , “do you believe in fathers?”  you may get the answer “yes, I believe that fathers exist.”  And fathers do exist.  Unfortunately, in today’s world there is a vast range of what we as society refer to as fathers.  From a brief biological encounter all the way to being “a good dad.”  So fathers exist, not new news to anyone but I thought we should get that out of the way.  In fact, the Lord declared that His work and glory was “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life” of His children.  To me there seems to be an earthly parallel.  To bring to pass the mortality and life of children.  The partnership between mother and father brings mortality and brings life.  Together they are responsible for this vital step in the plan of salvation.  Without fatherhood (and motherhood) the whole plan of salvation stops. But it doesn’t stop.  Because of fathers.  We believe in fathers.

2.  We believe in fathers.  It isn’t unusual at a sporting event, or before some other performance for the phrase “ I believe in you” to be used as encouragement or confidence that the person is up to the challenge of what lies ahead.  So, when we believe in fathers we are encouraging and confident that Dad is up to the challenge of fatherhood.  Dads, we trust that your love will be there 24/7.  We are grateful for hard work at home and at work.  Especially at work.  As I frequently remind my children “if work were fun it would be called fun, not work.”  While there is satisfaction and enjoyment to be found on the job, for the most part it’s plain old work.  Thank you, fathers, for getting up at o’dark thirty to provide your families with food and shelter. 

In the words of President Linda Burton, “Today I wish to honor husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, and uncles who know who they are and who are doing their best to fulfill their God-given roles as described in the family proclamation, including righteously presiding and providing for and protecting their families.”   Unfortunately, such honor and respect is becoming increasing uncommon in the culture.  When not being shown as a bumbling idiot or creepy philanderer on the screen,  society routinely debates whether fathers are even needed beyond conception. On lds.org,  Chad Phares writes, “I’m not the dad you see on TV.

You know the one I’m talking about—the one who is more concerned about remote controls than report cards. The guy who spends more time bowling with his buddies than brushing his daughter’s hair. The dad who can name each of his football team’s top draft picks but can’t remember his kids’ birthdays.

Yeah, that dad.

Well, I’m not him—and neither are most of us. Sure, we’ve got our quirks, but the majority of dads are infinitely more nuanced than the two-dimensional cardboard cutouts we are depicted to be.”  The truth about dads, is that they are amazing.  They worry, the work, they agonize, they encourage, they teach, they are exhausted!  And they don’t quit.  To quote Elder Christofferson, “We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.” Thank you, fathers.  We believe in fathers.

3. We believe in fathers.  Fatherhood has a spiritual component, or in other words, an eternal component to it.  We believe, i.e. have received personal revelation or a testimony of fathers.  Our understanding of fatherhood is more than just a helpful social construct that increases the odds that small humans will be provided for and protected long enough to grow into adult humans.  We believe that fatherhood is “divinely designed” by God for the salvation of his children.  We believe that the family is the basic unit not only of society, but of eternity.  As fathers strive to provide the earthly necessities of life, to provide shelter  and protection from the storms and dangers, they also are tasked with providing the spiritual necessities of life.  Of providing spiritual shelter and protection from the storms and dangers to their children’s spiritual lives.  In past times, life was more of a nasty, brutish and short proposition.  Starvation, attack, storms and untreatable medical problems consumed family life.  Not so much today here in Hidden Valley.  While working to provide is still very stressful, the brutish physical aspects of life are not as looming.  What is looming is the starvation of our spirits.  The attacks and storms of the adversary are not slowing down, they are increasing.  I doubt any of you fathers have sent your children off to school here and hoped and prayed that Johnny and Janey won’t get eaten by a bear on the way to the bus stop.  But I know you have hoped and prayed  that they will not get devoured spiritually by pornography, immorality, drugs, or even idleness.  The dangers are different in 2017 than 1017 but the damage has longer repercussions.  Because we believe that what we do and what we covenant affects us spiritually and eternally, God has given us fathers to “protect and provide” for the spiritual necessities of life. 

I love these words of Elder Christofferson, “ For men, fatherhood exposes us to our own weaknesses and our need to improve. Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. Again, the ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loved us, His spirit children, that He gave us His Only Begotten Son for our salvation and exaltation. Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.

Perhaps the most essential of a father’s work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father. If by his example as well as his words a father can demonstrate what fidelity to God looks like in day-to-day living, that father will have given his children the key to peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come.  A father who reads scripture to and with his children acquaints them with the voice of the Lord. OR to put it in scripture,  “And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.”

This is why we believe in fathers.

We started with the proposition that “as a Church we believe in fathers.”  We’ve gone over a few of the ways we believe in fathers, but the original thought says that we do so “as a Church.”  Why? Why “as a Church” do we believe in fathers? Simply put, it is because “the family is ordained of God. It is the most important unit in time and in eternity. Even before we were born on the earth, we were part of a family. Each of us “is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents” with “a divine nature and destiny” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102). God is our Heavenly Father, and we lived in His presence as part of His family in the premortal life. There we learned our first lessons and were prepared for mortality (see D&C 138:56).” 

            In fact, let’s just go full on Handbook summary:       

“Because of God’s love for us, He prepared a plan that included our coming to the earth, where we would receive bodies and be tested so that we could progress and become more like Him. This plan is called “the plan of salvation” (Alma 24:14), “the great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8), and “the plan of redemption” (Alma 12:25; see also verses 26–33).

The purpose of God’s plan is to lead us to eternal life. God declared, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). Eternal life is God’s greatest gift to His children (see D&C 14:7). It is exaltation in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom. Through the plan of salvation, we can receive this blessing of returning to God’s presence and receiving a fulness of joy.

In order to gain exaltation in the kingdom of God, we must overcome two obstacles of mortality: death and sin. Because we cannot overcome either obstacle by ourselves, Heavenly Father sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to be our Savior and Redeemer. The Savior’s atoning sacrifice made it possible for all of God’s children to overcome physical death, be resurrected, and gain immortality. The Atonement also made it possible for those who repent and follow Him to overcome spiritual death, return to God’s presence to dwell with Him, and obtain eternal life (see D&C 45:3–5).

As part of our Heavenly Father’s plan, we were born into families. He established families to bring us happiness, to help us learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare us for eternal life.

Parents have the vital responsibility to help their children prepare to return to Heavenly Father. Parents fulfill this responsibility by teaching their children to follow Jesus Christ and live His gospel.

The Church provides the organization and means for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to all of God’s children. It provides the priesthood authority to administer the ordinances of salvation and exaltation to all who are worthy and willing to accept them.”

To recap, we lived as a family before coming to earth, we live as families here in mortality, and because of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ we can live as families for eternity by the power and keys of priesthood ordinances.

So “as a Church” we believe in fathers because families are the hope and substance of eternity. 

I have a confession to make.  My talk today is not supposed to be on fathers.  It’s on priesthood and priesthood keys.  Because “the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven,” and heaven’s foremost concern is for our returning as families.  To do so requires the power and authority of God, (that is priesthood) and those ordained to act in his stead to administer the ordinances and officiate in covenantal ceremonies (priesthood keys). 

I have read/heard/recited the “the family is ordained of God” more times than I can count.  I’ve given talks, taught lessons, pinned cute memes to pinterest on it, but it has always been just an obvious truth to me.  An important truth, but certainly not startling revelatory or anything.  And yet, after merging the concept of families, in this case specifically fathers, with the purpose of priesthood and priesthood keys, the word that jumped out to me was not family, it was ordained.  The family is ordained of God. 

In writing the Family Proclamation the word the apostles used was ordained.  Not organized, not created by, but ordained.  To ordain is to set in order according to the law.  To ordain in a church setting, it is to set in order according to the law of God.  When you are  ordained to the priesthood you are authorized within that office to do the duties of that office.  Not just that you are able to fulfill those duties but that you are obligated to do so.  In effect you are being legally set apart to act in an official capacity as God would act if he were physically present.  No wonder priesthood holders start as deacons with very limited assignments! 

As the bishop of our ward, Bishop Johnson has the keys, which means the rights and the obligations to direct the work of salvation for the Hidden Valley Ward.  One of his duties is to prepare the young and not so young men for ordination to priesthood offices.  Those twelve and thirteen year old young men who weekly pass the sacrament are acting in their official priesthood capacity.  Passing trays of bread and water may seem pretty mundane, but there is more to it than that.  As ordained deacons they are learning that priesthood service is just that: service.  They are offering the sacrament to us, literally bring the symbols of the atonement to within our very reach.  It is an offering from the Savior, delivered by the deacons. 

At fourteen a young man may be ordained to be a teacher, and indeed he begins to train as a teacher with his home teaching companion.  Every month, this ordained teacher has the opportunity to pray for his home teaching families, to prepare a gospel message for them, and then to sit there nervously on the couch wishing his senior companion would stop with the small talk so he can give his lesson before he dies of anxiety.  Instead of bringing the sacrament to you in church, he is bringing the gospel to you in your very home.

At sixteen he may be ordained to be a priest.  Every week the priests sit at the sacrament table.  While we sing, they work to make the final preparations for the ordinance of the sacrament.  Then the priest will kneel and plead to heaven on our behalf.  “ Oh God, the eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify.” Etc.  The sacrament is vital to our commitment and repentance.  To our sanctification.  To our salvation.  And these priesthood holders petition on our behalf.  As priests of the order of Aaron, they are also authorized, under the keys of the bishop, to baptize.  Many of you have had the privilege of watching a 16 year old son, nephew or grandson raise his arm  to the square and with authority from God, boldly (and it is a very bold statement to make) “Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost” 

Around 18/19 there is the opportunity to prepare and then be ordained to the office of Elder in the Melchizedek priesthood.  We could spend all day on this, but let’s summarize it by saying, Elders preach the gospel.  They go and preach to every kindred, tongue and people.  They may be as anxious as that 14 year old home teacher but they go.  They bring the message and ordinances of salvation to the world.  They act as representatives of Jesus Christ.  They do this regardless of whether they are a full-time missionary or not.  The call to preach of an Elder is not contingent on a black name tag. 

Elders also have the privilege of attending the temple.  There they receive the ordinances and blessings of the temple which are ultimately crowned with the sealing of husband to wife for time and all eternity. 

And there it is.  That’s the point.  That’s the point of priesthood, of priesthood keys.  To enter into an eternal covenant as husband and wife, to bring children into this covenant by birth and instruction.  That is the point.  Priesthood service, starting at 12 and continuing through eternity is to prepare young and not so young men for the privileges and obligations of being a family forever.  For being a husband and, as I may have mentioned, to be a father.  As a Church, and individually, we believe in fathers.  Because we have a Heavenly Father who loves us beyond our comprehension, he has blessed us with the opportunity to have, or maybe even be fathers.

           

 

Harry Logic

Fifteen years ago (Yikes!) When my children were draining my brain cells at an alarming rate, I would work logic puzzles to counteract Barney and The Teletubbies.  At some point, I decided to write one (or five), and since we were in the midst of Harry Potter, I roped J. K. Rowling's characters into service, and Stephanie Black into writing the story.  I'm not sure other people write logic puzzles as fan fiction, but why not?

Snack Attack is elementary school level.  The others are not.  I have this vague memory that April Fools may require felix felicis. So in order of difficulty (I think) it is Snack Attack, Owl Mail, Gilderoy's Valentines, Leapin' Leprechauns, and April Fools.

In the words of Hermione, "This isn't magic--it's logic puzzle. A lot of the greatest wizards haven't got an ounce of logic, they'd be stuck in here forever." (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling, pg 207)

 If you are unfamiliar with this type of puzzle, here is a most excellent resource. Logic Puzzle Resource

If you are unfamiliar with Harry Potter, then get with the program and get to the bookstore.

Logic Puzzle April Fool's Day

based on the books by the awesome J. K. Rowling
April Fool's Day

Harry looked up from his steak and kidney pie as Fred and George approached the Gryffindor table. Both of them were walking as though picking their way through Professor Lupin’s dark creatures obstacle course.
"Hi," said Hermione, her mouth twitching.
Fred and George didn’t reply. They were too busy shaking their chairs, running their hands up and down the chair legs and examining the undersides of the seats.
Ron sniggered. "What’s the matter? Afraid someone hexed your chairs?"
Harry tried to keep a straight face, but when he saw Professor McGonagall shoot a severe look at the twins and lean over to whisper something to Dumbledore, he lost control. He burst into laughter and had to clamp his napkin over his mouth to keep from spraying the table with bits of meat.
"Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes will have their revenge," said Fred, sitting down and gingerly prodding the dish of potatoes as though he expected it to explode.
Lee Jordan erupted in mirth so loud that everyone in the Great Hall turned to look at him. "Who are you going to get revenge on? You don’t even know who’s guilty."
"We’ll figure it out," said George grimly. "And woe betide the fools. . ."
Unbeknownst to Fred and George, the Weasley family, (Ginny, Ron, Percy, Bill, Arthur, and Charlie) got together with Madame Hooch, Professor Dumbledore, Professor Sinistra, Filch, Madame Pomfrey and Hagrid to turn the tables on Fred and George.
Fred got tricked twice, as did George, and twice Fred and George were caught together.
Fred and George (either individually or together in no particular order) were surprised to find homework disappearing from the desk, turning into a canary, a "Hex Me" sign stuck on the back of his/their robes, forgetting his/their own name (am I Fred? Or am I George?), and one team fixed it up so that instead of speaking, every word came out as an Opera aria. Professor McGonagall was not amused when a powerful love potion was used and she was the object of desire! Unfortunately for the Twins, all of these took place in rather public places (common room, breakfast, charms class, transfiguration, lunch and a school assembly in that order).
Help Fred and George find their tormentors with the following clues.

1. Dumbledore was not in cahoots with Bill. Sinistra did not help Charlie.
2. The homework trick and the canary trick caught the same person (or people).
3. Fred was spared singing any opera at all.
4. The six tricks were the one played by Hagrid, Percy, Bill, Madame Hooch, the one at breakfast, and the opera singing.
5. The love potion involved only one female (besides Professor McGonagall, of course)—but not Madame Pomfrey. (FYI Professor Sinistra is female)
6. The only Weasley Filch was willing to work with was Percy and their trick went down before Dumbledore’s.
7. The following tricks happened in this order: Homework disappeared, Name(s) forgotten, Arthur Weasley got revenge and the love potion inspired poems, flowers and candy.
8. Ginny’s trick was immediately before the canary trick and Filch’s was immediately after the canary transfiguration.
9. Bill and Charlie managed to get both of their brothers. And Bill got them during transfiguration class
10. Hagrid finally got George (only) back after years of fantasizing about it.
11. Madame Pomfrey finished her trick before Professor Sinistra finished hers.
12. The "Hex Me" and the Canary were played on different individuals.

Logic Puzzle Leapin' Leprechauns

based on the books by the awesome J. K. Rowling
Leapin' Leprechauns

A swarm of green wooshed past Harry, Ron and Hermione as the entered Hogwart's Castle after Care of Magical Creatures.
"Leprechauns!" gasped Harry. "What are they doing here?"
"Probably scattering disappearing gold around. . .stupid little green gits," muttered Ron, clearly still smarting under the memory of the leprechaun gold that had tricked him into thinking he had repaid Harry for the omnioculars at the Quidditch World Cup.
"The gold they leave doesn't always disappear," said Hermione. "Sometimes they leave real gold, or even chocolate gold coins. They usually give chocolate coins to children, I think, but you never know with leprechauns."
"Chocolate gold?" said Ron with a blank look. "Little hard to spend, isn't it?"
"You don't spend it. You eat it. Then sometimes they leave other metal coins painted to look like gold--to fool Muggles, you know. In the "Lives of British Muggles" I read--"
"Here comes Snape!" interrupted Harry. They watched as Snape swooped down the stairs, an unusually cheerful look on his ugly, sallow face. In his hands he clutched a small green pot.
"Full of leprechaun gold!" whispered Hermione and she, Ron and Harry turned toward the Great Hall.
"I hope he got the disappearing gold," said Ron. "What else did the leprechauns leave, I wonder?"
The Leprechauns have left five pots of gold at Hogwarts. Though only one pot contains real gold the rest look as though they do(there are chocolate gold coins, Invisible coins, Leprechaun gold and Painted metal coins). The pots were found by Professors Dumbledore, Flitwick, McGonagall, Snape and Sprout. They found them in the Classroom, Common room Entrance Hall, Great Hall and the Staffroom. The "amounts" were 10, 20, 30, 40, and 50 galleons. (None of these are necessarily respective).

1. The amount the chocolate coins were "worth" was equal to that of the invisible coins together with the coins that were found in the classroom (which weren't painted). (3 separate amounts)
2. Snape was delighted that his coins were "worth" more than either McGonagall's or Dumbledore's.
3. The coins found in the Entrance Hall were "worth" 20 galleons more than the ones in the Great Hall.
4. The Leprechaun Gold was "worth" more than Professor McGonagall's and hers was "worth" more than the gold found in the staffroom.
5. The real gold amounted to exactly half of Professor Flitwick's find.
6. The five pots left by the Leprechauns were the pot in the Great Hall, the painted coins, the 10-galleon pot, the pot found by Professor Sprout and the real pot of gold.

Logic Puzzle Gilderoy's Valentines

based on the books by the awesome J. K. Rowling

Gilderoy Lockhart's Many Valentines

"Now, now, Minerva, don't go stealing my valentines." Gilderoy Lockhart wagged a finger at Professor McGonagall as she plucked a pink-wrapped package out of the treacle. "Now, if you let me teach you the secrets of my charm, you'll be pelted with owls throughout the month of February just like me."
"Being pelted with gifts from twittering children is not something I aspire to, Gilderoy," said McGonagall coldly as she handed Lockhart his sticky package.
Down at the Gryffindor table, Ron and Harry exchanged grins.
"Wonder who's twittery enough to send Lockhart a valentine?" muttered Seamus. "That brainless lump has been getting gifts all week."
"Dunno." Ron poured milk into his glass as half the females at the Gryffindor table blushed bright red. "No one with any taste, anyway."
"Oh, really?" said Hermione, recovering some dignity though her cheeks were still scarlet. "Errol was here just the other day, wasn't he, Ron? And he wasn't delivering a valentine for Ginny."
Now Ron was the one who blushed. Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing. What gift had Mrs. Weasley sent to the winner of Witch's Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?

Gilderoy received one Valentine per day (Monday-Friday) from five swooning females (Ginny, Hermione, Lavender, Molly, Parvati) each sent him different type of Valentine (candy, card, flowers, a poem, a song). Each admired him because of a different attribute (his forget-me-not blue eyes, his curly hair, his stylish robes, his award-winning smile, and his enchanting voice). Of course each of these swooning females were mocked and teased by one of the non-impressed male population (Fred, George, Harry, Neville, Ron). As Gilderoy's memory is not what it used to be, help him sort out his admirers and their gifts (so he can send them autographed pictures--or perhaps some hair care potions) and find his detractors so he can adjust their grades accordingly.

1. Fred was teasing someone the day before the hair admirer's token was given--but he wasn't teasing Lavender.
2. George didn't tease the flower sender and surprised himself by having enough sense not to tease his mother (Molly).
3. Monday's Valentine was inspired by Gilderoy Lockhart's enchanting voice.
4. The song was given in the form of singing sheet music (but not from Hermione) the day after whoever liked Gilderoy's robes which was the day after Harry laughed himself sick mocking a lovestruck student.
5. Molly and Ginny Weasley were the first and last people to deliver their Valentine's--but not necessarily respectively.
6. The five who sent Valentines were Hermione, the one who admired Lockhart's hair, the person teased by Ron, Lavender and the one who sent flowers (in some order).
7. Molly Weasley was embarrassed when she was teased by one of her own children about sending something to Gilderoy Lockhart for Valentine's Day.
8. Parvati gave Professor Lockhart her Valentine the day before he got the poem, which was the day before Fred started teasing someone
9. Ron and Neville teased the ones who sent the card and who liked Lockhart's eyes (in some order) but neither of them bothered the one who sent the candy. 
   

Logic Puzzle Owl Mail

based on the books by the awesome J. K. Rowling

This one didn't have a story,  Steph is such a slacker, spending all her time on her actual novels.


There are five owls (Errol, Hedwig, Hermes, Pig, School Owl) Five people who sent something (George, Harry, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley, Ron) Five people who received things (Charlie Weasley, Fred Weasley, Hagrid, Neville, Percy Weasley) and Five items that were delivered (invitation, howler, letter, package, R.S.V.P.)

Owl Mail

1. Neither Mrs Weasley nor Hagrid sent or received anything with the services of Pig .
2. Harry sent the package and Ron sent his item to a family member.
3. The five owls involved were the School Owl, Errol, the one Mrs. Weasley used, the one to Percy and the one to Charlie.
4. Whoever sent the invitation (it wasn't Hermione) didn't send it to Hagrid and didn't borrow the school owl.
5. The two items taken by Hermes and Hedwig were the item from Hermione and the howler (but not necessarily respectively).
6. Neville was grateful that George sent the R.S.V.P. to him and that the howler went to someone else.
7. Fred was not surprised to receive the howler after his latest practical joke had gone awry.
8. Hermione did not send anything to Percy.
9. Hagrid didn't use the school owl.
10. Charlie received his item by a Weasley family owl (Pig, Hermes or Errol).

Logic Puzzle : Snack Attack

Snack Attack (Elementary level, story by Steph) 

based on the books by the awesome J. K. Rowling

With end of year exams only a week away, the Gryffindor common room was unusually empty and unusually quiet, unless you counted the hiss of the sulphurous green smoke flooding out of Hermione's ears.  Harry smothered a chuckle--Hermione was embarrassed enough already.  He kept his eyes focused on the book in front of him and munched a handful of sweets, silently renewing his vow to never so much as lick any foodstuff offered to him by Fred or George and thinking that at least Hermione's smoking ears had served the purpose of clearing people from the room, thus making studying easier.  Ron was trying valiantly not to laugh, but Harry had seen the mischievous glint in his eye and knew he was plotting to enrich the coffers of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes by purchasing some smoking smarties and delivering them via anonymous owl to Draco Malfoy. 

"Here," Ron dropped his quill on the table and pushed a bowl of snacks toward Hermione.  "Maybe this will help. ..er. . .clear your head."

"No, thank you," said Hermione composedly, not looking up from the thick textbook she was studying.  "I'm all set."  She patted the open package of snacks next to her, a package she had purchased herself at Honeydukes.  Having spent the last half an hour engulfed in the odor of rotten eggs, Hermione wasn't taking any more chances. 

Ron slunk across the room and pushed open a window, bringing a flower-scented breeze wafting into the room.  He picked up his quill, groaned, and got back to studying, pausing occasionally to snack from his own stash of sweets (purchased by himself and kept on his person thereafter.  Following an unfortunate Nose Hair Caramel incident, Ron too had learned to be wary of unattended food). 

Can you tell from the following clues who (Harry, Ron, Hermione) was studying what subject (transfiguration, potions, charms) and which snack they were eating (Pumpkin pasties, chocolate frogs and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans)?

1. The student who ate the chocolate frogs had already finished transfiguration (and so was working on something else).
2. The three students were Harry, the one who ate pumpkin pasties and the one studying transfiguration.
3.  Ron was not doing his charms homework but Harry was struggling with his Potions assignment.

Harry Logic

Fifteen years ago (Yikes!) When my children were draining my brain cells at an alarming rate, I would work logic puzzles to counteract Barney and The Teletubbies.  At some point, I decided to write one (or five), and since we were in the midst of Harry Potter, I roped J. K. Rowling's characters into service, and Stephanie Black into writing the story.  I'm not sure other people write logic puzzles as fan fiction, but why not?

Snack Attack is elementary school level.  The others are not.  I have this vague memory that April Fools may require felix felicis. So in order of difficulty (I think) it is Snack Attack, Owl Mail, Gilderoy's Valenines, Leapin' Leprechauns, and April Fools.

In the words of Hermione, "This isn't magic--it's logic puzzle. A lot of the greatest wizards haven't got an ounce of logic, they'd be stuck in here forever." (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling, pg 207)

 If you are unfamiliar with this type of puzzle, here is a most excellent resource. Logic Puzzle Resource

If you are unfamiliar with Harry Potter, then get with the program and get to the bookstore.

One Last Mission Post

The last post was the wrap up of the mission (such as it was) so I guess this is the Bonus Material.  It is the "homecoming" talk when I spoke in Arrowhead Ranch.  I figure I'll throw it out to the internets so I can find the thing again instead of having to search (some idiot titled it Arrowhead Ranch, instead of Talk given on, or Repent or something more logical).

So here ya go--and Repent!

      Arrowhead Ranch, we have missed you tremendously.  For the last three years I have followed many of your adventures on facebook and I never could quite bring myself to delete Book Club from my calendar.  I will admit we did not miss you as much in the summertime.  Our first week in California, people kept apologizing for the “heat wave” as the temperatures climbed to 95.  Needless to say, we handled the “heat wave” just fine.

      Over the last three years we had the opportunity to welcome and work with 706 missionaries in the Great California San Fernando Mission.  I have now spoken in Spanish, mangled hellos in Korean and can say “hi” in ASL. I even can bear my testimony in my mission language—it’s totes true. I’ve spoken in more stake conferences than the average stake president and if I never eat another pulled pork sandwich, it will be too soon.

    It was truly a privilege to work with, train and interact with all of these men and women who gave their all to the Lord in full time service.  Service times varied from weeks to years, but all of them answered to call to serve and did what the Lord asked of them.   All of them blessed the lives of the people in the San Fernando Mission and definitely blessed our lives.  

     People always ask me what the wife of the mission president actually does. I have no idea.  Ken got a whole giant handbook, the young missionaries have a whole handbook.  I got a paragraph which pretty much said just do what you feel you should do.  Well, alrighty then.  

     So I was this weird hybrid of missionary, Ken’s wife, mother to KTRM and general neighborhood nutjob.  All in all it was, to quote young Matthew, a Great Experiment.  And like all experiments, some brought great success and some just about burned down the lab.  But we survived to tell the tale. Or perhaps I should say the missionaries survived to tell the tale.

      But enough of this chit-chat.  As a missionary you have one job:  to Cry Repentance.  So, Arrowhead Ranch (and all you visitors)  Repent!  

  Seeing people learn about Jesus Christ, his atonement and that it is possible to be relieved from the burden of sin, is one of the most amazing experiences as a missionary. But I didn’t work much with investigators, or even new converts.      My missionary time was mainly spent with the missionaries themselves, and members of the 10 stakes in the mission.  In other words, people who should already know that God is their loving Heavenly Father, that He sent his Son to satisfy the demands of justice and so in his infinite mercy we could be relieved of our burdens.  So what did I cry unto them?  What could I teach them that would change their very soul?  What do we as covenant makers need to know?  Well, I’ll tell you:  Repent! 

       Helaman 5: 11 says of Jesus Christ,  “And he hath power given unto him from the Father to redeem them from their sins because of repentance; therefore he hath sent his angels to declare the tidings of the conditions of repentance, which bringeth unto the power of the Redeemer, unto the salvation of their souls.”  So let’s talk salvation to our souls.

        Too often, Church members, and missionaries, do not look at repentance the same way as investigators and converts do.  Too often church members, and missionaries, think that repentance is for when you have done something bad.  For when you didn’t do something right.  And,of course, that is true. Repentance is for when you do something bad.  The problem comes when we think that is all repentance is for.  Then we start thinking, “if I just do it right in the first place, I won’t have to repent.”  Repentance becomes a symbol of our personal failure.  It is something to try and avoid.  Something to procrastinate or bury.  Something shameful.  Even worse, it becomes something measurable—I may not be perfect but I am more perfect than you are. 

    It is true that consequences of our unwise and unrighteous actions can lead to sorrow  but if we don’t understand what else repentance is, then that quickly morphs into He  brought that on himself so he deserves it or I have this trial so I must be unworthy.  Here’s a pro-tip:  we are all sinners and we all deserve it. 

    Trust me when I tell you that in this life (or the next) you do NOT want to get what you deserve.  Fortunately, through the grace of God (and I use that word grace deliberately) we don’t have to.  Alma 42:22 states 22 But there is a law given, and a punishment affixed, and a repentance granted; which repentance, mercy claimeth.  Repentance is part of mercy!  Not part of justice!  So why do we think of it as some kind of payment or punishment? 

     Somewhere along the line we had a lesson on repenting.  You need to do the 3 R’s, or maybe 5 r’s, remorse, restitution, repay, recycle… I don’t know what they are.  It’s good we learned that (or apparently in my case I didn’t learn that), certainly we need to do that but don’t get it in your head that you can fix it.  You can’t.  If we were in zone conference I would make you repeat, “I cannot fix it.”  And yet it must be fixed!  I testify that it can be fixed but it is through faith in Jesus Christ that it will be fixed.  We had the opportunity to have dinner with Elder Oaks and he asked if I had any questions for him. I asked him, “what would you like to say to our missionaries?”  Elder Oaks is an apostle, his whole life is spent crying repentance so I figured it would be something along the be obedient, work hard, kind of line.  What he said was very interesting.  He said, “tell the missionaries they are not competent enough to sin so that they can’t repent.”  Isn’t that great?   Aren’t you glad that you are too dumb to get yourself into a mess that the Savior can’t fix?  

Elder Russell M Nelson (Apr 07) said, “when Jesus said “repent,” He asked us to change—to change our mind, knowledge, and spirit—even our breath. A prophet explained that such a change in one’s breath is to breathe with grateful acknowledgement of Him who grants you each breath…To repent fully is to convert completely to the Lord Jesus Christ and His holy work…That change comes when we are “born again,” converted and focused upon our journey to the kingdom of God. [close]  So the question of repentance is a question of what we are focusing on.  

 Are we focused on the Savior and his commandments, or are we focused on how much we have fallen short? 

 Are we breathing gratitude for our many blessings or complaining about the ones we think we don’t have? 

How much of our day is consumed with our physical/mental/emotional/academic flaws and how much of our day is noticing the miracles around us? 

     So many times missionaries would get themselves stuck in this pattern of “I can’t be perfect therefore I am not eligible for God’s love.”  Then they would go out and teach people that God loves them.  Do you see the disconnect?  There was always this nagging little voice saying “you can’t do it, you’ll never be perfect.”  Well duh.  Brothers and Sisters you can’t do it  and you’ll never be perfect.  Because perfection, and indeed growth and learning and progress come through Jesus Christ and you come unto Christ through repentance.  Through re-focusing your thoughts, words and deeds, changing your heart, mind and breath.  Or in missionary parlance, forget yourself and go to work.

Quit wasting time worrying about your shortcomings, do something about them.  If you want your life to be focused on the Savior do the things that focus your life on the Savior—Go to church (good job, you did that today!) Read your scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon, and pray with real intent.  That’s it.  If you do those three things then the spirit will enter into your life and lead you where the Lord wants you to go.  And if you haven’t been doing that, just start.  Don’t get all angsty and wo is me I am bad because I haven’t read my scriptures in 3 years.  Simply repent and pick up the book and start to read—there’s even an app for that.  Haven’t prayed lately? Well, you don’t need an appointment, just pray.  Repentance is one of those things that we overthink.  Elder Holland stated that repentance takes just as long as deciding to change and then keep changing to make it stick.  Or as Ken would say, “repent quickly and move on.”

The weird thing about repentance is that it is simultaneously not a big deal and a huge deal.  I think the thing I learned the most as a missionary was something I knew intellectually but had not really seen up close and personal.  That God loves all His children.  All of them—including you.  The invitation to repent, to change, to re-orient ourselves towards Christ is an invitation of love from our Father in Heaven and made possible through the atoning sacrifice of His son.  It is more than being sorry for sin, it is changing our very soul be pressing forward in faith.  It is repentance every time we read our scriptures, every time we pray, every time we serve, every time we choose the Lord’s way over our own way.  

And just so we’re clear, repentance is not failure.  Repentance is the plan.  It comes through faith in Jesus Christ and only through Jesus Christ.  Can I give you another pro-tip?  If you really want to repent.  If you really want to re-orient yourself towards Christ, you have to get into your scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon.  You just have to.  We take too much for granted and do too many soundbites.  When it comes to the questions of the soul, you need to go to the source.  I don’t care how many conference memes you have on your wall, if you are just taking the gospel as soundbites then repent!  Quit taking someone else’s word for it.  Find out for yourself.

Today  I have come to collect my missionary plaque.  We picked the scripture for it to represent our family and why we uprooted our children and dragged them to the wilds of Southern California.  It reads:  And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 N 25:26).  In other words, it is through our Savior that we are made clean.

On a more personal note, my favorite missionary scripture is 3 Nephi 5:13 Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.  In other words, I cry repentance.


Update: Update:  It occurs to me that when I gave this talk, I shared the story of Elder Anonymous--who called me because his back was hurting (from competitive, full-court basketball, needless to say I was more amused than sympathetic).  I tld him to take some Advil and get to work.  He called back four hours later saying the pain was back.  I told him to read me the instructions on the bottle and then do what it said, i.e. take every 4-6 hours.
Repentance is like that.  REad th e instructions and then Repeat as necessary!  Maybe that is one of those R's...

Moving On...

Whoops!  Things got a little crazy and so the poor blog took one for the team.  I should have written about the amazing end to our "Great Experiment" but I didn't.  Which is too bad, it involved miracles, heartbreak and fire!  Lots of fire.  You'll just have to wait for JJ Abrams to make it into a major motion picture.

In looking back over the whole experiment, a few things stand out.

Every missionary comes to the mission with hopes, dreams and things that terrify them.  Sometimes the terror is greater than the hopes, but that's okay.  It's part of the plan.

It's always about the people.  So many amazing people in The Great California San Fernando Mission.a  Great missionaries, great church members, great contacts, friends, school teachers, families, even Costco checkers.

Arriving is hard.  Leaving is worse.

My absolutely favorite thing was Zone Conferences.

Least favorite was feeding people.

Stake conferences are much more fun when you can sit on the stand and watch people.

Santa Clarita Stake let me sneak into their stake choir once.  It was great.

Los Angeles Temple has my favorite Celestial room.  The outside, not my favorite.

The other Mission Presidents/Sisters in North America West/Northwest are the most amazing people on the planet.

I will be forever grateful to Steve Lindberg for his reaching out to Thomas. And a shout out to Tony Rossi who did the seminary run every. single. day.

Ditto to Rebecca's theatre friends and YW leaders.

I think Van Nuys is beautiful.

I never made it to that boulder-y looking park off of Topanga Canyon.

I still tease Elder Jeppsen in absentia.  "I'm happy, thanks"

I never quite conquered my pride and always wanted to tell people that the mission home was not my furniture or decorated by me.  The ugly green couches were very comfortable to nap on.

Secretly I wonder what it would have been like without the kids.  I was trapped between two worlds and never felt like I got either one right.  I'm counting on the fact that the Lord knew what He was doing, even though I didn't.

Going out of the house in a nametag takes so much energy.

I really didn't miss Katie much.  I was way too excited for her because I knew what her mission was doing for her.

Elder Gregory Schweizer is my absolute favorite general authority.  He told us to take our children on adventures.

I met my goal of not killing anyone when I was in charge of medical.

It's cliche, but the missionaries arrived as kids and went home as adults.

I am glad I live in an age of electronic communication so I don't really have to say goodbye.

Well, that's a wrap (as they say in the "industry").

The Church is true.  Tell your friends.

Love,

The former Sister Hall
of The Great California San Fernando Mission

You Feeling Lucky, Elder? It's Friday the 13th!

I am a tad bit behind on the blogging.  I started this post in October (because it's scary-wooOooOOoooo) but since it is Friday the 13th perhaps we can continue the theme...

***

This month is Halloween.  The time of the year where we try and scare each other in a never-ending quest for candy.   So as the pumpkins and ghosties start appearing on our porches, let's talk about something really scary--getting a mission call to the good old USA.  (insert cackling laughter here)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Or as I saw on Facebook,"USA missions are not as hard as the rest. They spoil the missionaries and they don't do a thing!" 

Recently we were at a fireside with a member of the Seventy. He had some time for Q & A and the very first question was, "will treatment for a mental health condition keep my child from serving foreign?"

Now it's an honest question and I am sure she meant no disrespect to those of us serving "not foreign" but, there were two disturbing subtexts to that question.  (Keep in mind these are my  reactions to the question, not necessarily her intentions)

1. Foreign missions are better.
2. If the treatment would prevent serving foreign, then should my child have the treatment?
(We'll deal with 2 in a different post, shall we?)

Our daughter is serving in upstate New York and let me tell you, it's nice knowing she is in the land of the free and the home of the Walmart. When she was packing we never had to worry about "can you find X in New York?"  We've been to upstate New York. Her father grew up three miles from her mission office.  It's a known quantity, as it were. She speaks the language, has the driver license and knows the laws.

Or in other words, she could hit the ground running.  Was I disappointed that she would serve in her native country and speak her native language? Nope.  

Look, I get it, I do.  Paris sounds so much more something than Pittsburgh, and that is without the bonus of learning a language.   

I'll let you in on some insider secrets.

1. A mission is not a vacation.
2. A mission is not language training.
and most importantly
3. God loves His children in Pittsburgh as much as the ones in Paris.  

You don't have to be a missionary very long until you come to a profound knowledge that God loves His children.  All his children.  He loves ALL of his children.  ALL of HIS CHILDREN.  

Once you understand that you don't care where you serve.  All you see around you are brothers and sisters who desperately need to know that they have a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who made it possible to return to that loving Father.   

And as for the facebook dude who thinks we're "spoiled" and "don't do a thing,"  it is true that we take things like electricity and clean water for granted.  Is that spoiled?  Probably.  Here in Southern California we even won the weather lottery--it's sunny and pleasant almost every day.  Is that spoiled?  I don't know, to us it feels more like a blessing.  We are grateful to have these tender mercies because the second part of your accusation is that we don't do a thing.  That is just flat out wrong.  

We do the same things every one of the 86,000 missionaries do every single day.  We invite everyone to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. We may not have the highest contact to member ratio but we don't even care.  Do you know why we work ceaselessly every single day with not much outward success?  Because we know that God loves all his children.  We are not going to risk missing even one door, one street contact or one guy at the park who may not know that God loves him.

There are hard things and there are blessings in every single mission in the Church.  Have the faith that the Lord knows what is best for all his children and will put you as a missionary where you as a child need to be.  It is really that simple.

There is one exception, if you get called to The Great California San Fernando Mission, then you really have been called to the best mission on the planet.

Just saying.

What Does the Handbook Say?

Calvin the future missionary:

Sometimes I joke around that the only thing people will remember about our mission tenure is that we were the mean ones who made the missionaries eat in their areas.  At least I hope it's a joke, but maybe not.  That subject has probably had more hours and phone calls devoted to it than any other single missionary topic.  Entire ward councils have been obsessed/possessed with a fervor usually only reserved for stake basketball rivalries.  Since the increase in missionaries, the English units are finding out what the Spanish units already knew--the rule is you stay in your area.

The irony is, at least to me, that there are no mission specific rules.  We are strictly a white handbook/Preach My Gospel  mission.  So when you call me to tell me how it isn't practical/fair/good/easy/whatever that the missionaries have to/aren't allowed to/should be able to do,  I don't really know what you want me to say.  Because I'll tell you now, I am not about to say, "yes, I'm sure the missionary department/church/apostles/prophet who gave that rule didn't really mean it, do what you want."  

But we don't think of it like that.  Of all the calls I have received (and I only get a small fraction of what Ken does) no one has ever, ever, said, "could you please just not follow the rules you promised to follow."  Even the people who tell the missionaries not to be so rigid/not to worry/it's not a big deal to do X/everyone does that/I did that as a missionary, even then, no one ever says, "don't worry about breaking the rule you promised to obey, integrity is over-rated."  But that's what it is.  You are asking someone to put their integrity on the line. 

So knock it off.

Look, it's hard to be a missionary.  We have really weird rules.  They don't all make sense to us all the time.  But every single missionary signed his or her name and said they would follow them. Furthermore, we are in the business of miracles and we want to demonstrate to the Lord that He can trust us.  If He can't trust us with the small things, why would He trust us with the large things?

Missionaries have a stewardship over an area.  It is not just a logistical exercise.  They have a right to, and an expectation of revelation concerning the people in their area.  Does this mean they can never leave their area? No.  Can they ever teach outside their area? Yes, for example the Bishop can ask them to do so, or if there is a member family outside the area that would be a good fit with an investigator.  So it isn't like jail? No, it isn't a punishment to stay in your area.

But it's just food!  Who cares?  

It isn't just food.  The purpose of feeding the missionaries is not just food.  It is missionary work, and if you are not in your area then you don't have the revelation for that area. Bishop Smith can't wander over into Bishop Jones's ward and start receiving revelation about a different ward.  The Lord's house is a house of order. Please don't put pressure on the missionaries to do something they have said they would not do.  Please don't ask anyone's son or daughter to give up their integrity.  I know it seems like a small thing, but small and simple things bring great things--great good, or great bad.

So why am I bringing this up?

Facebook.

In the next few months, our missionaries will be authorized for facebook proselyting.  There will be rules.  LOTS of rules. Rules that we did not make-up, but rules we will follow. Please help them keep the rules.  If you aren't sure, ask the missionary what the handbook says.  Don't guess. 

Missionaries will soon be taggable.  Don't tag them unless they are acting like missionaries. Nothing makes my heart sink faster than when someone posts a picture of a missionary not acting like a missionary.  They may not have done what they ought, but someday they will want to have those blessings that obedience brings and would rather the world did not have a digital copy of their weakness.   

Handbooks are not set in stone, they change from time to time (Handbook 2 just changed last month, for example). But we follow what they say, now.  President Henry B Eyring said this about the handbooks of the Church: 

The handbook will become a treasure to you as you use it to help you lead others to choose the way to eternal life. That is its purpose. When you see the joy which the gospel brings to those you serve and feel the loving appreciation from the Savior, you will come to love the handbook for what it helped you feel and do. And you will find yourself drawn back to it for the light you feel as you read, understand, and follow what you learn from it.

I am so excited at the oncoming digital possibilities in missionary work.  I have been keeping tabs on several test-pilot missions and their different rules and experiences.  When we get the new rules, they will be a product of practical experience and inspiration.  I'm so excited!

I'm going to end this post with a lesson from David McConkie:

Soon after I was called to be a stake president, our stake presidency received training from an Area Seventy. During the training, I asked a question to which he responded, “That is a good question. Let’s turn to the Church Handbook of Instructions for the answer.” We then went to the handbook, and there was the answer to my question. A little later in our training, I asked another question. Once again he responded, “Good question. Let’s turn to the handbook.” I did not venture to ask any more questions. I thought it best to read the handbook.

I have thought since that the Lord could give a similar response to each of us as we go to Him with concerns or questions. He could say, “That’s a good question. If you will review Alma chapter 5 or Doctrine and Covenants section 76, you’ll remember that I have already spoken to you about this.”

Brothers and sisters, it is contrary to the economy of heaven for the Lord to repeat to each of us individually what He has already revealed to us collectively. The scriptures contain the words of Christ. They are the voice of the Lord. Studying the scriptures trains us to hear the Lord’s voice.

So the next time you feed the Elders (when you secretly wish you were in the Sisters' area) or when you see this

Mission rules--we back each other out of parking spaces.

Smile and know that you just witnessed a miracle--a missionary who has put his/her trust in the Lord and in whom the Lord can trust. 

Companions, Not Clones

Quiz time!  You've just wandered into Zone Conference and there is a PowerPoint slide on the screen.  By looking at only one slide, tell me who is training--Sister Hall or President Hall?

Isn't that a great slide?  It has the San Fernando Valley on the bottom, it's easily read and professional.  The template is perfect for Zone Conference or Mission Leadership Council.  So whose slide is it? Need another hint? (I know you don't, but stay with me) Instead of that slide, you see this one:

All your doubts have fled, haven't they?  While I might use the first one, the chances of Ken using the second one are next to zero.

      Bad Guy: President use the fluffy tree template or I'm dumping glitter all down the hall.  

      Ken:        I'm thinking, I'm thinking....

      

 To be honest, the second one is a little over the top for even me, but it is indeed my slide.  

So who is the better teacher? Which slide is better?  Which presentation is going to increase the effectiveness of missionaries post-conference? Shouldn't we have figured out our optimal template in companionship study and then presented the one true template?

Sometimes missionaries look at all the rules and schedules and outlines and expectations and come to the conclusion that all we want are robots.  

In fairness, it is not just the missionaries who sometimes think this way.  Members sometimes think that keeping the commandments and "following the handbook" will turn us into robots. 

President Dieter F Uchtdorf said The Atonement is meant to help us all become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God.

    This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member [missionary] from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. 

    This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities. It also contradicts the intent and purpose of the Church of Jesus Christ...

The missionary companionship of Alma and Amulek taught that when we die we are still the same people (that same spirit which doth possess your body now, etc).  

Joseph Smith taught that "same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." That is going to be a pretty good trick if we are all the same.  

The Lord needs YOU.  Not you, generically, you specifically.  He needs your strengths, your weaknesses, your personality, your all.  You are not a surprise to Him.  You were created by Him as an individual.  The Savior atoned for us individually.  You were never meant to be indistinguishable from a collective of robots.  To requote President Uchtdorf, "it would contradict the genius of God."

So, missionaries and members, yes you have to keep the commandments, follow "the handbook" and behave yourselves.  But you aren't the same.  You'll never be "the same."  Play to your strengths, allow the Lord to help your weaknesses become strengths.  But remember to be you.  The best you you can be, but still you.  

When Christ was on the earth he asked us all a question. "What manner of men ought ye to be?"    

What's the answer?  How do we do that?  Why can't we just copy our neighbor?  

Because it is personal.  It has always been personal. 

What manner of person should I be? 

Even as Christ.